Valentine’s Day is just a few short weeks away. If the love of your life is a man, or appears to have a preponderance of classically masculine traits, then whatever gift you give him on February 14 should match his lifestyle fairly closely. But no matter how well you know him, finding a gift that will make your man react in positive grunts can be difficult, especially if you can’t make it to your local retailer. You’re in luck because we’ve found ten online gifts at bargain prices that will make his manly heart flutter.
Put on some weight | Gravity Blanket
Once you’ve slept with a weighted blanket, you’ll never go back to that flimsy Sesame Street bedspread you didn’t have the heart to throw out when you got your own place. The Gravity Blanket surrounds your male counterpart with 15, 20, or 25 pounds of sheer heaviness (choose the kind that’s closest to 10% of his body weight). The added weight is said to drastically improve sleep, or at least make the most secure, reinforced blanket fort on your block.
Handy candy | The Grand Cookie and Chocolate Filled Toolbox
Satisfy your man’s sweet tooth and drop a subtle hint about finally putting together that IKEA bookcase with this scrumptious toolbox gift. It’s got milk, dark and white chocolate pieces in the shapes of some of his favorite tools: screws, hex nuts, saws, tape measures, and hammers, just to name a few. For those who prefer snacks with a little bit of fiber, there are a few chocolate chip cookies thrown into the mix as well.
Sock it to him | Sock Fancy Socks Subscription
This gift basically boils down to membership in the Socks-Of-The-Month Club. One day your loved one unsuspectingly receives a pair of lightly fancy socks in the mail. He’ll put them on his feet and walk around in supreme and fashionable comfort. One month later, after he’s finally tired of these socks, he checks the mail and finds another, completely different pair of socks! The cycle then repeats month after month, until your man’s sock drawer becomes the biggest party in town.
Take it to the streets | Urban Map Glass
If your man belongs to the city, this cocktail glass will remind him of his sophisticated upbringing every time he has a sip of whiskey, juice, or warm milk. This 11-ounce drinking apparatus is decorated with a hand-etched map of your man’s favorite American metropolis — choose from 31 different cities. It will bring back memories of the bright lights, parking meters, sidewalk vendors, overpriced restaurants, and manhole covers of the streets he once trod upon.
Spice boys | Hot Sauce Kit Gift Set
Every relationship needs a little spice once in a while, but this is ridiculous — ridiculously tasty, that is! Liberate your man-friend from mass-produced bottles of bland heat and challenge him to make his own hot sauces with this all-inclusive food kit. It’s got everything he needs to make six bottles of muy caliente sauce, including funnels, gloves, pH strips, vinegar, spice blends, and six varieties of dried chili flakes: cayenne, arbol, jalapeño, chipotle, habanero, and at-your-own-risk ghost pepper. Fire insurance not included.
Jerking around | Carnivore Club Exotic Jerky Bouquet
What’s the way to a man’s heart? Dried meat, of course. And no array of dried meat has ever been arranged so beautifully than in Carnivore Club’s bouquet of exotic jerky. We underscore the word “exotic” — these are no waxy, convenience-store beef sticks. They’re the real deal, including unusual gourmet jerky treats made from elk, buffalo, and venison. This absolutely gorgeous meat bouquet also comes with a card that reads, somewhat redundantly, “You’ve Got Meat!” Do you ever.
Power play | Game Used NHL Hockey Puck Bottle Opener
The life of a hockey puck is a brief and violent one. After it’s been whacked around by heavily armed men with complex dental insurance policies, the puck is plucked from the ice and set aside for eventual disposal. But some lucky pucks get a second act: They’re transformed into bottle openers. A less exciting existence, maybe, but much safer. This gift, available in the style of 25 NHL teams, is a puck that was actually used in a professional hockey game once. Now, all it wants is to open your beer.
Secret briefs | Mystery Boxer Brief 6-Pack
These are six pairs of boxer briefs. What do they look like? We can’t tell you. It’s a mystery. They may be plain-colored. They may be plaid. They may be polka-dotted. They may have fanciful patterns, like flowers or random objects. But you won’t know until you open the package. Perhaps you won’t open it right away, just to build the suspense and tension about the underwear that lies beneath. Or maybe the agony of not knowing will finally wear on you and you’ll rip it apart like an animal. Whatever works.
View that tune | Song Soundwave Song Art
Do you and your sweetheart have a special “song”? Something like “I Will Always Love You,” “Close to You,” “Just the Way You Are,” “Enter Sandman” or “War Pigs”? Turn your favorite musical work into hangable art with this specially made, truly distinctive gift. When you order, tell the artist your man’s favorite song. You’ll receive a print in the shape of the sound wave specific to that song, in stunning gold, black, copper, or other colors. It’ll be just like that last dance at senior prom, but more analytical.
Man, that’s cold | Host Freeze Beer Freezer Gel Chiller
You say you’ve found the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift for the man in your life? Hold my beer. This drinking glass makes tepid, lukewarm beer a thing of the distant past. Keep it stored in the refrigerator or freezer until it’s time to start drinking. Pour your beer (or, if you insist, whatever cold beverage you have) into the glass, and its hardened cooling gel and double-walled construction will keep that drink ice-cold for hours and hours. It’s got a silicone grip strip to keep your man’s dainty hands safe from freezer burn.